But your DAD swears on the many HALLOWED TOMBS of Egypt that it is not. On the other wall is one of your DAD'S stupid clowns.

Or HARLEQUINS, as he is quick to correct anyone who would venture such brazen assumption.

04/14/09 "John: Examine contents of chest." In here you keep an array of humorous and mystical ARTIFACTS, each one a devastating weapon in the hands of a SKILLED MAGICIAN or a CUNNING PRANKSTER. Among the ARTIFACTS are: TWO (2) FAKE ARMS [CURRENTLY CAPTCHALOGUED IN YOUR SYLLADEX], ONE (1) PAIR OF TRICK HANDCUFFS, ONE (1) STUNT SWORD, ONE (1) MAGICIAN'S HAT, ONE (1) PAIR OF BEAGLE PUSS GLASSES, SEVERAL (~) SMOKE PELLETS, SEVERAL (~) BLOOD CAPSULES, and ONE (1) COPY OF COLONEL SASSACRE'S DAUNTING TEXT OF MAGICAL FRIVOLITY AND PRACTICAL JAPERY, and ONE (1) COPY OF HARRY ANDERSON'S "WISE GUY", BY MIKE CAVENEY. 04/15/09 "John: Examine incoming message." You pull up to your COMPUTER. You decorated your desktop with some rather handsome WALLPAPER which you made yourself. Your desktop is also littered with various PROGRAMMING PROJECT FILES. 04/15/09 "John: Open Pesterchum." Only one of your CHUMS is logged in. 04/15/09 "John: Open message." |PESTERLOG| -- turntech Godhead 04/15/09 "John: Look out window." You see the view of your yard from your window. In a kid's yard, a tree without a tire swing is like a proper gentleman without a monocle. The red flippy-lever thing means you have new mail. 04/15/09 "John: Go outside and check mailbox." You are about to hurry down stairs when you hear a car pull into the driveway. You decide to chill out up here for a while until the dust settles.

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You don't care what COLONEL SASSACRE says, that makes it AT LEAST a million percent funnier.

04/20/09 "John: Inspect burnt paper on the floor." You put this back in the fire where it belongs. " "When two great forces oppose each other, the victory will go to the one that knows how to yield." -Oscar Wilde Wise words by a man who likely could resist everything but temptation. 04/30/09 "John: Abscond." Now that DAD is busy placating the SMOKE DETECTOR, you can safely sneak away. 05/07/09 "John: Get razor." 05/07/09 "John: Pick up package again." Let's take this from the top.

04/18/09 "John: Go downstairs." The accursed odor of fresh baking wafts into your newfound nostrils. It must be the connivings of your arch nemesis, BETTY CROCKER, and the rich, buttery aroma of her plot stinks to high heaven.

This mission is going to be more difficult than you imagined. Funny is funny, but your DAD sure can be a real cornball. 04/18/09 "John: Examine fireplace." A bright orange flame flickers in the FIREPLACE.

You were never all that great with data structures and you find the concept puzzling and mildly irritating. You've been meaning to hang another poster there soon. The FAKE ARMS are pushed entirely out of the deck!!! In any case, you now feel like you have gathered enough things to get down to business and do some really important stuff. 04/14/09 "John: Combine the nails and hammer." You MERGE the top two cards. 04/14/09 "John: Examine Deep Impact poster." Morgan Freeman's genteel, homespun mannerisms were perfect qualities for a president residing over a crisis. 04/16/09 "John: Report progress to TG." |PESTERLOG| 04/17/09 "John: Captchalogue Colonel's big book." Now that you've got some space in your SYLLADEX to work with, you figure you might as well start squandering it immediately.

But with any hope, perhaps you will advance new, more practical FETCH MODI for your SYLLADEX with a little more experience. 04/14/09 "John: Read note on drawer." This note is rich with the aromas of FATHERLY AFTERSHAVES AND COLOGNES. 04/14/09 "John: Take poster." Another BIRTHDAY ARTIFACT. The next thing you do will probably be exceptionally meaningful. The HAMMER and NAILS are now captchalogued on the same card and can be used together. 04/14/09 "John: Examine Con Air poster." PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX. Ordinarily this ridiculous book would be way too heavy to carry around in any practical way.

A fire BELONGS in a FIREPLACE, dammit, cata(ptcha)gorically, at all times, without exception.

As domestic myth of unaccountable origin holds, a home borrows the spirit of the flame for as long as it makes a guest of it, much as the moon takes liberty with the sun's rays.

04/18/09 "John: Get funny glasses too." You don't have a free card in your SYLLADEX! You are quite certain there has never been, nor ever will be... While you are wearing the items, they remain on the card, but it is temporarily removed from the deck, thus freeing up the cards beneath it.

However, you are able to MERGE the BEAGLE PUSS with the MAGICIAN'S HAT to create a CLEVER DISGUISE. 04/18/09 "John: Leave room." You exit into the HALLWAY.

It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, 2009, is this young man's birthday. 04/13/09 "John: Quickly retrieve arms from MAGIC CHEST." You retrieve your FAKE ARMS from the chest. 04/14/09 "John: Captchalogue smoke pellets." You stow the SMOKE PELLETS on one of your CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS in your SYLLADEX. Another day you marked was supposed to be the arrival date for the highly touted SBURB BETA LAUNCH. 04/16/09 "John: Captchalogue fake arms again." What did you just say?? 04/16/09 "John: Set Pesterchum status to "bully"." You don't think the situation is quite dire enough to go all the way to "RANCOROUS", but you still feel the PESTERCHUM client should reflect your mood change in some way. This definitely makes the CAKE at least 300% more hilarious.