No us neither but that's what he told us and who are we to argue? Just had the most amazing meet with a stunning couple, think the soft swap thing has totally gone out the window!! Please don't send us a rude message if you don't get a reply (you most definitely will anyway..) And i'm not talking about the single guys either oh no, you couples are much worse.

Right then put the kettle on and remember no-one made you read it (this is not the profile you're looking for..... "UPDATE 1" After a short break we are now back and running a revised service. We did consider being a separate room, non-swap, non-touching, non-kissing, "what the f**k you looking at? And for those that are concerned we are a mixed race couple (Me the breast stroke, Suzie the egg and spoon) so if that bothers you then errm.., We don't just arrange things willy nilly either so as our title says you will need patience.. If we want to wait for the perfect couple in the perfect location for the perfect meet then hey, that's our lookout.. Tried replying but i don't think they get the message as we're still getting them. (idiot.) Or usernames containing killer/driller/filler/spiller/destroyer/voyeur/raper/reaper/raptor/donkey/ honky/rumpy/pumpy/cock/rock/ suck/fuck/cuck/cunt/hunt/gunt/runt/shit/spit/clit/hit/dom/piss/jizz/9"/10"11"/12"/dong/schlong/milf/dilf/filth/spunk/trunk/worm/germ/voyeur/lawyer/ etc you get the idea with that.. And fellas, don't keep sending us a message saying been a long time, or long time no speak, there's obviously a reason for that.. You could be the most amazing couple but if you keep all your clothes in black bin bags forget it. We also appreciate correct grammar so if you don't talk proper like what we do we'll bypass your message..

Although we've been to Bristol Gardens (lovely), Kestrels spa (noisily relaxing) and The Paradise Club (Boscombe chapter),(forgive me lord for i have sinned) We're not late night party people so appreciate all the invites to Ab Fabs/Secrets/Chams/Gems/Liberation (wet dream edition)/Decs and of course Donkey Dicks which i'm sure are all lovely but we'd just be dozing in the dark room, we are however both fully laundered and come from a smoke and pet free home and are totally stain free but we havn't got a clue what we are doing, we're just making it up as we go along.. Know it's not everyone's cup of tea but its ours right now.. Also we NO LONGER MEET SINGLE GUYS (sorry for shouting but don't think they hear us) but that's no detriment to the ones we've met previously who were all gentleman, feel free to keep in touch tho'.. No more messages from (user no longer on site) either please, who is is this person? You've got them all foaming at the gash havn't you? We are looking for messages of extra ordinary magnitude. And come on fellas, get the mrs to do a bit of housework and pick up those dirty socks/straighten that picture above the fireplace/unstick the underwear from the wall before taking any pics, not the most flattering backdrop it has to be said. ) but we look more at the cleanliness of the room you're in than how hot you both look! "Dirty house = filthy stinking couple with drinking problems" (no they don't).

The content of the profile remains our property both real and intellectual. All you fit couples, look what you're missing out on! Unblock those single males now and you too could receive such derogatory gems as these below! ********************************* "Hey mate go tell that fucking bitch of yours to go get dressed up for me so that I can show you what a fucking filthy little whore she really is" "I wise me and you can go with your miss for 3sum or I fuck her you watch" "Il give you 100£ if u give me anal sex" "Your bf is a lucky cunt!!! Wondering if brown cock would be an option for her? Get in touch if least just say 'no'" "can i fuck your woman pls?

By posting this profile I do not waive my human rights to privacy under article 8.1 & 8.2 of the European Convention. ** Thanx for perversering (correctly spelled) with our profile (and please no copying and pasting) and when messaging us wouldn't blame you if you put "don't know why i'm bothering as you're a couple of messers" (not a required field) in the heading as this is the impression we get from most of you, oh wait hang on, unless i'm wrong (and i'm never wrong), you wont have even read down this far anyway will you? " "beautiful fuck my fat black cock" “seen better” "didnt read your profile went on a bit toouch for me, have fun tho" "£200 cash, just her in skirt and boots, no touching" (she's not up for it but i'm game? " "I absolutely lov ur pics..lov to play n tak photos in the woods..u fucking slut...." "Hey guys Can you bring back the pic of the mrs being fucked on the bed as it was my favourite to wank over Hahha" " Ah just had a great wank over your pics, thanx!

Oh wait its from a bloke..) "Hi please do not take this the wrong way , but I'm deadly serious , How much would it cost for me to come and have sex with you ?

I would like to record it also , I would be looking for anal also , I would Boone hotel all exspenses paid etc ??

Twitter = @fabsuzie71 Really appreciate your concern but our day is going fine, we're not particularly looking forward to "the weekend", we didn't do a lot last weekend, your humble narrator knows how lucky he is, (so does the current Mrs South Coast for that matter), Fab isn't "treating" us to anything, yes we know our profile is long, Suzie (not her real name) hasn't got a single sister (well she has but you wouldn't), she doesn't go out like that, we got it from Ebay, we don't need a photographer and we are finding the site ok. Probably best to read whilst playing the music from Simon Bates 'our tune' as its a really long profile people so if you have a short attention sp..... And all you business types with profile pics of you in a suit, we're not interested in meeting you when you fly into London from Dubai etc ok..? Right, now you single guys,(insert rude hand gesture), remember what the doc said? ), please all you cyberflashers, i know its much better than the good old days of hanging around in the bushes ready to spring open your long brown mac but don't just send in-yer-face cock pics, although you will anyway...

you can go about your business, just look at the pictures and...along..along.....) You may recognize us from lots of other sites but that's not us, it's just desperado's stealing our pics..(even overtaken on the top Fab'd list once by one of our own pics from a couple on our friends list who've since blocked US! " couple but didn't think that would get us very far..(could it get any worse..? Thanx for the friend invites from all y'all in Arizona, New Jersey, Texas etc, etc, very practical. (shit we'll get no messages) We don't speak 'Jive' either so any messages like " ur mrs is da bomb"/"too rude bruv"/"she is sick" (you don't know the half of it mate) we'll simply have to ignore as we just don't know what you're on about, although we are down with OPP.. Or people that say shit like "it's on like Donkey Kong" or "hairy muff" when they mean "fair enough", gets on my tits it does, just say "fair enough".. Also due to Suzie waking up screaming "ALL THE COCKS FROM FAB ARE COMING TO GET ME" (thank god the pics aren't 3D!

Sat in a pitch black car park watching scruffy old blokes pull up in bangers, and i mean old.