We get on like a house on fire, and I persuade her to see me in person, despite my being 4,004.

ball jar dating-12

" have to establish a character as The Chessmaster for them to be able to pull it off without arousing your audience's skepticism.

If the character pulling the roulette is a god, a person with precognition, a hyper-advanced AI, or someone else with similar abilities interacting with mortals, it becomes more believable, but even then the suspension of disbelief can be tenuous at best.

What makes him truly special is he's as comfortable in a black tie as he is jeans and flannel; having a passion for art, history and philanthropy, he regularly attends fundraising galas.'She should be down-to-earth, naturally pretty; someone who is comfortable without make-up in jeans, but can transition into an Alexander Mc Queen gown; knows how to do a place setting, but is comfortable with him skinning fresh fish.

She will appreciate his strong beliefs in being a steward of the land and not be intimidated by wealth.'Slight problem number one: I am 44, and imagine lying is not the best way into a relationship. As I write, I am covered in bruises from a week in the Highlands with my outdoorsy brothers. My exercise routine involves wielding a mascara wand.

She is also, as she makes clear, 'impossible to con', despite my bringing her a British bribe - a jar of Marmite.

I decide to get the upper hand by interviewing her. 'I became a life coach in the early Nineties,' she tells me, 'back when we called it "image consulting".

Still more curiously, the individual I am being sized up by is a woman - not just any woman, but the world's leading matchmaker.'Love architect' Kailen Rosenberg has played Cupid to countless people looking for love during her 22 years in the business.

The 48-year-old life coach and former model is media mogul Oprah Winfrey's favourite relationship expert and the go-to girl for every A-list couple in a crisis (although maddeningly she's tightlipped about who).

I look forward to sharing Britain's National Portrait Gallery, Naples and ancient Troy with my beloved.

On, then, to my first, fateful matchmaker encounter, conducted via Skype.

Kailen is sporting a baseball hat bearing the legend: LOVE.